Trip Report: “Secret Agent Mission” (Mau-Har/AT Loop + the Priest + Spy Rock + Crabtree Falls) (March 1-3, 2024) (29 miles)

Still groggy from awaking after an all night rainfall, I leaned over my freshly packed backpack, strapping my drenched tent onto it. Steve (“Baconator”) approached and we exchanged the same “how did you sleep” small-talk conversation everyone makes each morning of a backpacking trek. He then took out a stiletto knife and suddenly everything went dark. Oh well, Live and Let Die. This was certainly not the usual DCUL backpacking trip.

I was planning a DCUL trek to the Blue Ridge Mountains just south of the Shenandoah National Park when I noticed I had never before climbed Spy Rock. I asked my friend, Logan, if he had ever hiked it. He had. He said it had a “killer view.” Hmmm. “Spy Rock”? “Killer view”? Hmmm. “Does it have a View to a Kill?” I asked hopefully. Logan just shrugged his shoulders and said “I don’t know . . .” 

I started daydreaming. Suddenly, my phone rang. It was “M” from MI6. She said British Intelligence had been monitoring my plan to hike the Mau-Har/AT loop across the Three Ridges before climbing the Priest Mountain, traversing to Spy Rock, and then descending Crabtree Falls. They needed DCUL’s help to save the world! How could I say no to both the survival of all life on earth combined with a never-ending “dad joke.” There was some logic to M selecting DCUL—all our members are impossibly brave and beautiful. I immediately accepted the mission and promised a full showing from DCUL. 

I posted the trip on DCUL’s Meetup page. I mentioned M’s request for us to save the world. We’d have to crack a secret code on top of Spy Rock but, before reaching that goal, an evil villain code-named “the Priest” would try to stop us. He would try to block us with his Mau-Har obstacles. Then, we’d have to sneak past the notorious “Three-Ridges Gang.” Assuming we survived, we’d have to conquer “the Priest” himself. If successful, we’d have to climb Spy Rock, break the code, and descend “Crabtree Falls.” Oh, and the Priest successfully infiltrated DCUL with up to two double agents who would try to assassinate us along the way. (I ran this whole plan by a real-live retired foreign service officer for authenticity who assured me my plan was 100% like real-life spy craft).

Immediately after posting the Member’s Only (“MO”) trip I worried that the “fun to dork” ratio might lean too far on the dork side on this one. Quickly, though, the trip oversubscribed the 10 backpacker limit with a big waitlist. Fortunately, Mark (“Snake Jumper”) agreed to be recruited  with a Low Mileage (“LM”) trip with a slightly different route promising just as much fun. His trip filled up, too, with a waitlist. The mission was on!

Friday night we assembled at the Vienna Metro—10 in the MO; 9 in the LM. I passed out the following briefing packages:

We carpooled to the trailhead at the base of the Priest at 8:00 pm and set up the shuttle between Crabtree Falls and the Priest Trailhead.

The groups camped separately. The LM group set up camp near the cars after crossing the Tye River on a suspended steel cable foot bridge — which was pretty entertaining in the rain. The campsite was muddy but situated safely above the surging river and large enough to accommodate dozens of shelters. The MO group hiked a half mile up the mountain northbound on the Appalachian Trail to the first flat spot we could find. Drizzling in the low 40s as we started hiking, it became a steady all-night rainfall. 

The MO group awoke, of course, to the sounds of the James Bond theme (BAAda BAAda baDADA badada badadaaaah). It was still raining but, quickly ended by the time most of us exited our tents. After Baconator eliminated me, we continued hiking northbound on the AT to begin the Mau-Har/AT loop. The LM group slept a little longer before they started hiking southbound over the footbridge on the AT to immediately take on the Priest. I don’t know what song Snake-Jumper sang to wake his group. I really hope he did not choose a Barry Manilow number. Some physically fit and experienced hikers in the LM group charged up the Priest at speed, while others took their time in the rain.  

As M promised, the Priest tried to hit the MO group with his Mau-Har obstacles. Disguised as a picturesque gorge carved by a bold stream, we had to manage multiple stream crossings on slick rocks. The prior night’s rain swelled the stream and filled the nearby washes so that there was water everywhere. I took some photos of waterfalls before realizing that they were everywhere. It was more spectacular than deadly. The climb would have been more challenging but for the beauty of the area.

At the top of the Mau-Har, we turned at the Maupin Shelter to close out the loop down the AT southbound. At the shelter, WB noticed my missing clothes pin—I mean “Device Capable of Unscathed Life”—and asked who eliminated me. What?!?!? Dead men don’t talk! This is real life—not a game! WB rolled her eyes.

The Three Ridges Gang did their worst on this section of the AT. Another long climb after the Mau-Har climb stressed the legs. The moderate rock scramble on the way down tested our balance. While it was not raining, it was very overcast and misty. At the first scenic overlook, we viewed a grey curtain. I mentioned what a good view we were missing. “Thanks,” said Jonathan (“Shenanigans”) flatly. However, just as he spoke, the mist dissipated a bit and we could see the outlines of the mountains down to the valley. All of us cheered—except for Emily. With a cell phone to her ear she missed the drama with drama of her own. She was actually negotiating the purchase of some real estate. I would have suggested she make them “an offer they couldn’t refuse” but this was a Secret Agent mission not a Mafia movie!

We hiked onward. At another overlook, the clouds broke and we enjoyed a fantastic view.

Closing out the Mau-Har loop, we arrived a the Harper Creek Shelter. The sun broke and we spread out our drenched tents to dry while we ate lunch.

The Priest was not done with us. We had to scale his eponymous mountain, the longest climb on the AT in Virginia. Ok. I’ll admit it. This one was tough! Hitting this climb after having emptied one’s physical energy tanks on the Mau-Har loop was hard. Three quarters of the way up, we rested at a scenic overlook. Emily rested for only a moment before continuing upward. She ultimately was the first MO hiker to the Priest Shelter—our destination for the evening.

Willpower propelled the remainder of us up the mountain. I would stop to rest every 30 paces or so. After a short stop at the Priest overlook we followed her to the shelter, satisfied that we defeated “the Priest.”

At the shelter we mingled with the LM group. They arrived very early that day, dried out their gear in the bright sunshine, gathered firewood, and had been hanging around enjoying each other’s fellowship. They also chatted up a few other backpackers who were visiting the popular Priest shelter to check out the infamous “confessions” in the log book. Who knows what those normal backpackers must have thought of the DCUL weirdos wearing clothespins? When the MO group arrived, some in each group still had their DCUL clothespins on, but not all. Everyone was in good spirits as we made dinner and the sun set. Naturally, after bouncing around in our packs all day, our martinis were “shaken, not stirred.” All hikers from both groups arrived—except for Gene. I knew that Gene hiked his own pace and was a former AT thru-hiker who also thru-hiked the Colorado Trail and the Arizona Trail. He’s the “real deal,” so I knew he’d arrive when he was ready. However, when he did not arrive after dinner, I tried to reach out to him on my InReach satellite communicator.

As it turned out, while DCUL was trying to save the world, Gene was working to save a non-DCUL hiker he encountered who broke a hip. Like Superman, he carried the victim’s pack across his chest with his own pack on his back as he slowly walked alongside the limping victim down to the Tye River. Making things more difficult for Gene, the victim’s pack was not at all ultra-light. He then drove the man to his car at Reed’s Gap. By the time he returned to the base of the Priest, he was understandably exhausted and did not feel like making the climb by headlamp. It did not matter. There is a wise Talmudic saying: “Whoever saves a single life is considered to have saved the world.” So, technically, Gene was the first of our groups to save the world. The only question remained whether DCUL would crack the code on top of Spy Rock to save the world again.  

We woke Sunday to a different stanza of the James Bond theme songs to complete the mission. Some really embraced the “Secret Agent Mission” concept. As James started hiking away he hummed the Mission Impossible theme song. 

We hiked in a cold, misty drizzle up to the Rock that promised a 360 degree view . . . of a grey curtain. It must have been David’s (“Baseball’s”) fault. Every time I hike with that guy I seem to find myself at epic views obscured by clouds. There was nothing to see. However, those not eliminated had the chance to crack the secret code to save the world. The first two to attempt it failed. Fortunately, the next groups succeeded. (Of course you knew this. Had they failed to save the world, I would not be writing this Trip Report)!

Here was the code:

The answers were: (1) Scimitar-Horned Oryx (The oryx may conceivably be spotted where the AT skirts the Smithsonian’s Conservation Biology Institute near Front Royal, where they are trying to raise the endangered oryx); (2) Evan (“Whiskey Fairy”); and (3) Carpools. 

Remarkably, after having saved the world, one secret agent asked me if there was a “prize.” “A prize?!?!” I repeated with an amazed tone. “What? The World is Not Enough?” (I was hoping I would be able to use that one)!

As it turned out, Baconator was one of the double agents. However, after eliminating only a couple secret agents, he fell to his demise (his own DCUL clothespin accidentally fell off, eliminating him). James was the other double agent. He fell victim to friendly fire. Soon after donning his DCUL clothespin, Snake Jumper, who had not yet read his briefing packet, playfully took the pin off James, accidentally eliminating him at the beginning of the mission. 

Our mission a success, we trucked down Crabtree Falls, marveling at the power of the longest falls in Virginia pumped up with a weekend of rainfall. Though the maps don’t show it, this steep gorge is furnished with extensive infrastructure of stairs and railings, making the descent much easier and safer despite slippery conditions.

We reversed the shuttle before heading for home. The MO group went to Shenandoah Pizza in Staunton for lunch while the LM group went to the Devil’s Backbone brewery. The LM group celebrated that three DCUL Applicants (first-timers) were promoted to full Member, having shown that they are competent backpackers ready to tackle MO-level trips. Even more impressively, an Applicant who had never been backpacking before celebrated how much he learned on his first trip in some challenging conditions and what he planned to do differently on future trips.  Congratulations!

With or without a mission to hike this route, it is definitely worth doing again. The combination of long climbs, with great scenery, and a minimal shuttle, make this a classic Blue Ridge two-night, two day backpacking trip. Will I post another trip with this theme? Probably not. It was fun in a “one-and-done” way. DCUL usually embraces ultra-lite adventure, physical endurance, the awe of nature, solitude, wildlife, and friendship—staples on all our trips. But who knows, I probably should Never Say Never Again and You Only Live Twice.

To aid future trip planning, here are the LM and MO routes, shown on the GPS-enabled CalTopo mapping application:  https://caltopo.com/m/9PKG5  https://caltopo.com/m/APNLG

—David O. (“Spider-Man”) & Mark (“Snake-Jumper”)