The black bear growled loudly, freezing me in my tracks. Seeing bears in the Appalachian mountains is common; having them growl at me is not. For a moment, I considered standing very still and quiet, hoping the bear was growling at something other then me. I then considered running down the trail to make an escape. Experts do not recommend either. I chose a third option.
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When we backpackers describe our adventures in the backcountry to mortals who do not do so, the most common question they ask us is “what do you do about bears?” For those unfamiliar with the wilderness, bears are the largest concern. For most backpackers, however, bears fall way, way, way down on the fear list, far below the danger from ticks, hypothermia, and falling.
However, arkoudaphobia (fear of bears) infiltrated even those who have some backcountry experience. (I had to look up “arkoudaphobia” for this Trip Report. I always called it “bearaphobia.” An interesting side note: the fear of teddy bears is “agrizoophobia.” The word “sissy” was obviously taken). Some backpackers carry weapons for bear protection. On DCUL’s last two treks in West Virginia, we encountered heavily armed backpackers with weapons ill suited for hunting, such as handguns or assault-style rifles. So, they must have been for protection against bears. I never considered packing heat on the trail because, at least, it is hard to be an ultra-light backpacker while lugging 2-4 pounds of deadly metal.
Other backpackers carry bear spray. This is more widely used in grizzly bear country where bears can be aggressive. In the Appalachians, black bears are, as Russian-born Dmitry (“Dying Siberian Wolf”) once said, “like big dogs, unlike the real bears in Siberia!” I tried using bear spray once. However, when I sprayed myself with it before hiking it stung my eyes and nose so badly that I had to wash it off with water. I certainly could not have hiked in that condition. I never again tried wearing bear spray. I’ll stick with bug spray. (Public service announcement: This is a joke; one properly sprays bear spray on attacking bears, not on one’s own body prophylactically).
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So, this is how I found myself near a growling bear with no way to defend myself—other than with option three. Counterintuitively, I stood up to the bear as I should have stood up to my third-grade bully, Patrick. I made myself as big as I could, which was easy because it was raining and I was carrying a Tactical Rain Deflection Device (similar to an umbrella). While waiving my TRDD high in the air I yelled as loudly as possible. This looks intimidating to any animal species. I even dropped the “f-bomb” a few times, insulted his mother, and made “boom” sounds, hoping they would sound like hunting guns. It worked! The bear stopped growling and ambled off. He wasn’t hightailing it out of there in utter defeat, as I was hoping. (“Hightailing” is so called because when white-tailed deer run from anything, they raise their tails to show off their white bottoms, which doesn’t seem like the best strategy for an animal trying to hide, but I guess it works for them). Instead of hightailing, the bear purposely walked away with attitude. Reading his mind, he was saying about me, “this stupid dork is just not worth my time.” A bit shaken, and my voice lost from the yelling, I continued down the trail.
This had to be the most unusual bachelor party I’ve ever attended!
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Jonathan (“Shenanigans”) is getting married next month. His brother, Stephen (“Thirsty Boy”) wanted to organize a bachelor party for him. To Thirsty Boy’s disappointment, Shenanigans eschewed the typical bachelor party and said he really wanted to go backpacking. When Thirsty Boy texted me to help him organize this, I thought I’d cheer him up by texting him back that there would be some trappings of a regular bachelor party. For example, I said, there will be stripers. It worked. He gave me the green light to post a bachelor party trip on DCUL. Here is what the posting read:
“Shenanigans (“Jonathan”) is getting married! He considered a traditional bachelor party: the charming B&B, the antiquing and wine tasting day trips in farm country, the lazy champagne brunches. That’s when I slapped him. He needs to start his marriage on the right foot—preferably in trail runners, ready to wake early, pack light, and hike far. He chose a backpacking bachelor party! I love this guy. It’s obvious why Kristen does, too. Let’s hike the AT section through the Roan Highlands—one of the highlights of the AT with its unique mountaintop “balds”! With 13k (!) of elevation gain over almost 50 miles in only 4 days, prepare to be “Roan’n and groan’n”! If this isn’t worth taking a couple of vacation days for a long weekend I don’t know what is.”
This is how eight of us turned out in the Roan Highlands of North Carolina and Tennessee the weekend after Labor Day to celebrate Shenanigans final days of bachelorhood.
I have now hiked the section of the AT between Erwin, TN and Evergreen, TN twice—once in each direction. Despite the two terminuses being in Tennessee, the trail spends most of the time in North Carolina. This section is truly a highlight of the AT. Our route for the bachelor party was northbound. This is the best way to hike the section. It saves the most dramatic part of the trail—the balds—for the end.
We drove from Fairfax to a yurt Thirsty Boy rented outside Roanoke to break up the drive and for Thirsty Boy to show off his culinary skills. Then, we drove to Evergreen where a pre-arranged shuttle drove us from the Mountain Harbor B&B to the trailhead at Erwin, TN.
Having 3 full days to hike 50 miles, this was a relatively easy trip for DCUL. Our big days were Saturday and Sunday with 16 and 19 miles each day. The half days Friday and Monday were only 8 and 9 miles. However, the total elevation gain was approximately 13,000 feet. It is not an easy trail and, had we done this in a traditional weekend, it would have been a challenge. The trails are mostly well-graded so the climbs are not the calf-burners like those on Pennsylvania trails that just lead straight up and down mountains.
This being a bachelor party, the lower mileage resulted in us arriving at camp each night very early in the day for socializing. Karan (“BA”) organized and maintained a fire each night. Since the temperatures dropped when the sun went down, and we changed from shorts/t-shirts to fleeces/puffers, the fires warmed the body as well as the soul.
The southern part of the trail is mostly the “green tunnel” common in the southern Appalachians. It was heavy with rhododendrons and mountain laurels. Being the AT, it was very well marked and maintained. Ours was a fun group. In addition to Shenanigans, Thirsty Boy, BA, Kyle (“Water Dog”) and me, our group featured Steve (“Baconator”), Rob, and Greg.
It rained much of the day Saturday. This eliminated any views from sections of the trail that probably had them. One area, called “Beauty Spot” on our maps, was just grey mist. However, this was welcomed because it was cool temperature-wise. On Friday, our climb from Erwin felt brutally hot. So, it was nice to hike in the cool mist, drizzle, and light rain.
We each passed an AT thru-hiker with the trail name “Blessing,” who had been hiking southbound and who had earlier in her trip hiked a section of the trail with our own Greg. She asked about him and asked us to ensure he was eating well. Apparently, when she was hiking with him she noticed he did not consume enough calories to sustain a backpacking hike. We each promised to ask him if he was eating enough.
That night, as we ate our dinners together, we constantly reminded Greg to eat even though his meal choice seemed adequate. Later, while sitting around the campfire, our faces glowing from the reflected light, the married men in the group gifted Shenanigans with the most important gift one can give a groom. He was advised to “grandfather in” with his fiancée permission for solo monthly adventure trips before the wedding. I think it was Dan who called it a “backpacker’s prenup.” A man’s negotiating position will never be as strong after the “I dos.” Shenanigans thanked the group for that advice as we all raised cans of beer that BA generously carried all day to toast him.
Sunday was my favorite part of the trip. When the trail climbed above 6,000 feet toward Roan Mountain, it entered a huge spruce forest. Spruce and pine trees always make me happy. I like walking on the soft needles and moss. I like the open feeling of being below the evergreen canopy. I breathed in a scent of evergreens so strong it initially smelled like mint. It was extremely vivid and delightful.
Sunday featured our first foray into the main balds. “Balds” are treeless peaks of mountains. They look like alpine peaks with grass. Technically, they are not alpine zones because they are not above tree level. However, since there are in fact no trees on them, one feels like one is above tree line when hiking there. The mountain tops were likely cleared by earlier humans. They remain cleared by animal grazing and mowing. Our time in the balds Sunday was shorter than some in our party expected. At least a couple complained that those of us who already hiked this section oversold the experience. As for me, I spent a bit more time in the balds by taking a side trail excursion to Grassy Ridge Bald and beyond. We camped that evening on a meadow overlooking a dramatic valley.
On Monday, no one complained about anyone overselling balds. BA, Shenanigans, and I woke early hoping to watch the sunrise from atop the nearby Little Hump Bald. First, though, we had to pack up our drenched tents. Camping on the meadow was great as far as views were concerned; it was a huge mistake with regard to condensation. In the morning, our tents were dripping with condensation inside and out. It was much worse than if we had been in the woods with an all night rainstorm. Not only is it depressing to roll up a water saturated tent, it is heavy to carry one. Shenanigans and Thirsty Boy shared a tent on this trip. Because Shenanigans came on the sunrise hike while Thirsty Boy chose to get an extra hour of sleep, Thirsty Boy paid for his slumber with the chore of carrying the heavy, waterlogged tent. Water Dog, who initially started “cowboy camping” in the meadow to see the stars, wisely reconsidered and watered his dog inside his tent.
The trek up and over the balds was dramatic and inspiring. Many of us lingered at scenic spots. Shenanigans and BA couldn’t stop taking photos.
After a long walk on the balds the trail descended back into the woods. BA and I later commented to each other how welcome we felt back in the familiar green tunnel. It was like returning to an old friend.
We finished off the last few miles, arriving at our cars in time for lunch at a nearby Mexican restaurant.
Thirsty Boy later told me he knew there would be no strippers on this trip. I looked at him puzzled. He took out his phone and showed me our pre-trip planning texts. I told him I stood by it—there would be stripers. The difference between “strippers” and “stripers” is an extra letter “p”—and a lot more clothes. The AT is full of stripers—the trail maintainers who blaze the trail with the iconic white stripes painted on trees. I always called the people to paint those stripes “stripers.” So, voila! Shenanigans’ bachelor party was complete with stripers, just as advertised! Thirsty Boy considered growling at me. However, wisely, he remembered what I do when bears growl at me, and he just shook his head thinking, “this stupid dork is just not worth my time.”
David O (“Spider-Man”)
Featured photo credit: Jonathan (“Shenanigans”) Puctured, left to right: BA, Spider-Man, Shenanigans, Thirsty Boy, Water Dog, Baconator, Dan, Greg
DC UL Backpacking 