Beth and I found ourselves in yet another Sheetz Gas Station. This was our holy city, after all. Muslims had their Mecca, Jews had their Jerusalem, and DCUL had Sheetz. We had come to make our mandatory sacrifice before going off into the mountains for the weekend. Some say that if you skip this part of a DCUL trip you will be cursed, as I had once learned the hard way when I went to a 7-11 instead of Sheetz. I had brought some lambs, Tarzan a 12-pack of Coors, Shane his lifetime collection of terrible dad jokes, Chris a bottle of whiskey, and Sophie her dried yogurt. As I was walked inside I was quite nervous. Would our offerings be accepted? The last thing I wanted was a bad trip. Thankfully Beth had something else in mind: the most amazing Sheetz sandwich ever conceived by man.
I looked at the receipt in amazement. My lambs felt like an unworthy sacrifice in comparison. I felt pity for the worker who had to make this thing, but I was confident this sacrifice would be deemed worthy, and my anxiety was gone. Beth claimed this was a variation of what David “Spiderman” typically eats at Sheetz. We waited for our food when suddenly a man positioned himself between us and the food counter and asked us if we wanted to hear a dad joke. Of course we said yes. The joke went something like this:
“What do you call a bunch of sweet potatoes in a quiet room?”
…. “Silence of the Yams”
It wasn’t the best dad joke, but I couldn’t complain. I wondered if Shane “Dad Joke” would approve. After a little chuckle the man drifted off and we thought nothing of it. Mysteriously, Beths order was nowhere to be found. We waited. The Sheetz order screen said the order was complete. We waited more. Where on earth did Beths food go? We needed that sandwich. That sweet, succulent sandwich. We needed it for the sacrifice.
Did the dad joke guy have something to do with it?
Did we accidently uncover a grand Sheetz conspiracy?
To be continued….
**********
I had only heard about the North Fork Mountain Trail recently, and I became oddly obsessed with planning a hike there. I was stuck in my planning obsession mode for about 4 days, scouring the internet endlessly and even thinking about it at work. It seemed like a pretty awesome trail that wasn’t hiked very much. There were reasons for that, however: it was a point to point hike which required a shuttle. And there was no water sources on the trail. This one would require some careful planning. Joining me on my adventure was a mix of old and new. Representing the old guard was Shane “Dad Joke”, Sophie, and Tarzan. For the “new guard” was myself, Chris, and Beth. The plan was to hike the trail south to north with splits of 12/12 with a water cache set up at the halfway point at Forest Road 79.
After meeting with everyone at the northern trailhead Tarzan helped me set up the water cache with the help of his monster truck. You probably could get up FR 79 without a 4×4, but I would highly recommend having one. It was my first time meeting Tarzan, and it only took me a minute to realize he was grade A hiker trash. He had hiked the A.T in 2017 and regaled us with epic stories of his hikes over the years. He apparently survived 4 days backpacking with nothing but honey, peanut butter, and tortillas. He was hiking with sandals and a backpack with no hip-belt also. I never got around to asking him the origins of the trail name “Tarzan” however.
We started hiking around noon, and with 12 miles to go we had plenty of time. The southern half of the trail was pretty easy-going and offered nothing spectacular, but at least we avoided the giant climb that was required if we had went up the northern trailhead. Meanwhile, the mystery of Beths missing sandwich remained. Where exactly had it gone? We did eventually get the sandwich replaced, but it was just so odd. We had been at the counter the entire time, and the only moment we weren’t looking was when that man told us that joke. What was most odd was the way the man almost intentionally placed himself between us and the food counter. It’s entirely possible that the employees just messed up, but it’s also possible that the man had distracted us with the intention of stealing our food. I guess we’ll never fully know the truth, but we consoled ourselves knowing that someone got a really terrible Sheetz order.
We got to our campsite and water cache at FR 79, and a 12 pack of beer courtesy of Tarzan. We quickly got a fire going and relaxed. Initially I had thought about bringing 12 gallons of water but decided on 9 in the end. It seemed like too much but I didn’t want to be unprepared on a hot summer day. We only used maybe 5. I should’ve brought less water and more beer and cheeseburgers! Chris talked about his upcoming cross-country road-trip to the southwest which Shane had plenty of advice for. I claimed to be an “advanced” backpacker but since I couldn’t properly crush a beer can I was demoted down to a novice backpacker. But then I flexed with my cold-soaked ramen noodles so I was again promoted. And of course, we had Sophies infinite cheerfulness. The evening was ended with the threat of oncoming rain and my desire for a 6am start the following morning. Beth said something like “Man, I love DCUL, what other group of people would be perfectly fine to start hiking at 6am?” She had a good point.
I made the wake up call at 5:10am. “I know it’s early and you probably hate me, but it’s going to be a great day!” I heard many groans and cries for help, but we were promptly hiking at 6am loaded up with our empty water jugs. The north half of the trail was more rocky and challenging overall than the southern half but offered more views, most notably Chimney Top. Due to it being August the trees prevented most of that, but Chimney Top was indeed quite nice. We took some time to savor the views before we descended the final 3 miles back to the parking lot, completed the reverse shuttle, and said our goodbyes.
Overall, it was a lovely weekend with good people, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. The North Fork Mountain Trail isn’t the most epic trail out there, but it isn’t always about the trail itself but just getting outside and getting lost in the forest and having a good time, which we duly accomplished. Thank you guys for joining me on this adventure and making it happen. Until next time!
DC UL Backpacking 
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